Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I want to fling myself into the sun
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
