Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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