dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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