It's like God shit irony all over that family
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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