I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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