I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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