yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You smell like a Billy Joel song
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize