I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
