Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
