i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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