i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize