He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
