Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize