His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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