This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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