Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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