dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
