and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if only i could text you this smell
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
