Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
