Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
