You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
