I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
