A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
