her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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