Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize