____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
