the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude i'm inner monologue high
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
