I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize