everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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