If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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