I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
