so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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