i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
