so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
