I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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