the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
