A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
