you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
