Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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