I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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