glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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