I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
