Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
