just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
