its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
