Define "chronic" masturbator.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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