Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
