dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
