So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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