So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
