haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Someone came in the potted fern
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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