Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
