It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
