Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
