Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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