the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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