When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
