I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
