Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
