He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
