i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
