i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
