dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
