Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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