i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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