I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
