I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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