so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
