I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
