oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
