The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
