hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
